That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
