Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
