haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
