so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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