Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
