This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Less talking, more tequila
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
