I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
