You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Randomize
