My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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