Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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