cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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