My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
