first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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