took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
