maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize