just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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