you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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