He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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