The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize