Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
