i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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