i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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