dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the day after is always just damage control
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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