Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
