Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize