please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Small penises have feelings too.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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