You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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