she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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