please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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