i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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