we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
