I bet he comes in French.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
