Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
