Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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