So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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