based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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