I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think we might need a safe word for this...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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