well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
