I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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