I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
