No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
