Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
