Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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