The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
