I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
