I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize