Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
