4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
