the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
