I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think i got beer on your cat.
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