i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
