Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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