I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
