life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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