He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
