need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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