His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
