he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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