How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
