I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
