I wish my penis had an off switch
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
