At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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