My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
