In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
