I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize