I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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