No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
