there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
