overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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