Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
