I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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