before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
