I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
