Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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