The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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