Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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