Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
