i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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