Jerry, you need to find god
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
