butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
