I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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