You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
