New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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