Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You ate ashes out of my bong
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
