i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
