I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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