New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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