my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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