My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
