rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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