The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
