If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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