Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
