there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
