i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize